Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
