Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
