it hurts more in the daytime
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
