i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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