she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
