i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
