I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
