At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
