Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
