no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
