he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
