Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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