Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
