I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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