I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
