you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize