the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
