He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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