So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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