we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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