She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
