no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
