apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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