So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
