this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Shame - the story of my life.
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