Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
