My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
