My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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