8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
