He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
