this beer tastes like vomit already
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
