good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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