I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
