do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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