I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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