I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
