Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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