She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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