i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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