Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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