You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
