I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize