He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
