You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
