i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
