I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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