Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
