4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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