Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
