Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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