Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
