i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
