Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
