I didn't shave. On purpose
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
