just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
