i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
