I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
