Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
