then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
