she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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