can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sober January is a disaster.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
