fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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