Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize