You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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