he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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