I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
