She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
