I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
