imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
