and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
